


101 Places to NOT Visit with a Troll Wife

by AuntOpossum



Category: Original Work, The Lord of the Rings - All Media Types
Genre: F/F, Married Couple, POV Second Person, Swearing, Time Travelling Lesbians, Undead, Zombies, smol and tol, talks about sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-06
Updated: 2018-11-06
Packaged: 2019-08-19 21:03:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 828
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16542209
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AuntOpossum/pseuds/AuntOpossum
Summary: A human and a troll, happily married, get sent back in time during the Middle Earth Ages. Nothing will stop them from being incredibly gay.





	101 Places to NOT Visit with a Troll Wife

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first ever work published, and I'm getting my motivation to write by being a part of 750words. The chapters will probably start out 750 words long until I feel more comfortable with the story and my writing. Thanks for reading!

"What the FUCK! WHAT THE FUCK! WHAT THE FUCK! WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK-ITY FUCK!!" 

Those are zombies. Actual live, or well, sorta alive, zombies! This was NOT how your day was supposed to be going. 

You were supposed to go on a lovely date with your ran-lûl, as it was your third year anniversary. When all of a sudden, some jack-ass smashes their car into yours, and next thing you know, you and your wife wake up in the far, distant past. We're talking medieval shit here. Maybe even farther than medieval. You're pretty sure "The Dark Lord" is still alive. Is this his first or second round of being alive? Who knows. Who cares. Not you, who's running from the zombies on your ass.

You're wife, of course, being quiet literally a troll, is running faster than you. You, also, are cursed with shitty lungs; you're asthma kicking in like knives to your sides and a hand on your throat. 

It's muddy. It's wet. It's that awful sort of misty rain that most people enjoy, but since you wear glasses, it's just making it harder and harder to see. Everything sucks. You wish you could stab or punch these mother fucking monsters in the head, but that would involve actually getting close to them. You want to be as far away as possible from them. 

One of the creatures lunges for you, and you're a bit too slow to dodge. It manages to drag you down into the muck, and what bit of breath you have left gets knocked out of you. You look up, and see your wife pausing to look back at where you just were. 

'Hot damn,' you think what may become your potential final thoughts. 'At least she looks super hot like this.' You both dressed up nice but causal for your anniversary date. She had on black high waisted spandex pants that stopped mid calf, and her favorite pink jelly sandals. Her shirt didn't have any sleeves, so you could appreciate hers and yours matching tattoos and her bulging arms because, unlike you, she actually worked out daily. 

Just as you begin to mentally prepare yourself for dying a shitty death, you feel the ground rumble. You wife has turned around and starts running towards you and your new undead friend. Taking a gorgeous, flying leap over you, she lands with an awful sounding crunch on the zombie. Even though it now looks even dead-er than before, the love of your life begins to punch the shit out of it. All the while yelling things in orchish at it. You don't think you've ever been this turned on before. 

After finishing beating the crap out of the undead, all the other undead, that were standing around, start to retreat backwards. You watch from your bed in the mud, as your love rips the skull from the freshly-pounded body, throws it at the crowd, and roars at them. 

Suddenly, she sharply turns around, shoves her hands into the mud around you, and pulls you with a wet sucking noise. Holding you in a fireman carry, she begins to run for the both of you. 

"You ok there?" She asks. How unfair, she isn't even breathing heavy. 

Admire the curving snake tattoo on her bicep, you take a moment to catch your breath before responding. "Baby. My Ran-lûl. Love of my LIFE! I have no clue what the hell is going on! Everything hurts. I don't think I've ever been this filthy before, and watching you go ballistic on that dude was probably one of the hottest things I've ever seen. I simultaneously want to go and cry, and fuck you into the next year."

Looking at you, she holds eye contact for a split second, before breaking into a large toothy grin and laughing. As she laughs at you, you can feel the mud and water ooze onto her back and shoulders. Your new and very cute floral dress that you bought SPECIFICALLY for today is now forever ruined.

Stopping her laughter for a moment, but not her newly improved mood, she says, "See that space between those two hills over there?" She doesn't wait for you to reply. You can't even see it anyway. With both the fact that your glasses are muddied, and you only have nearsighted-human vision. "There must be a town of some sorts there, because I can see lights. Maybe we can get a place to rest, something to eat, hopefully a bath, and then we can pull ourselves together. Eh? What do you say?"

She jostles you a bit to try a tip your tired frown upside down. It works.

"Ok." You begin. "But it is also both our anniversaries, and I'll be damned if nobody's pussy gets eaten tonight. This madness won't ruin those plans of mine. I swear to the Gods." 

And after that, both of you head off towards the village in the distance.


End file.
